Choosing the right match for yourself or for your children is one of the most challenging tasks. A lot of young Muslims try to find their way through the marriage process. It is tough to have clarity on what is permissible in Islam and what is not. What should be done and what should not be. The Dos and Don’ts of Muslim Marriage shared in this blog will help you or your children prepare in advance. It will help you gain better understand of the Islamic way of getting married.
• Do perform Istikhara:
Allah is the ultimate planner, there is no power which could go against his will, and therefore it is important to ask him for guidance before taking such a major decision.
One should recite the Istekhara supplication and put their trust in Allah, particularly when you considering a specific candidate.
There are proper guidelines to perform Istekhara which should be strictly followed. The interpretation of Istekhara is also a challenge; therefore, it is highly advisable for you to involve a religious scholar to help you out with it.
• Do Have a Certain Criteria in Your Mind:
It is important to know what exactly are you or your child looking for in a partner. A checklist should be made mentioning all the requirements to focus on.
The list should entail all the tangible and character requirements. Later, spend some time on prioritizing the listed requirements. Place your emphasis more on the intangibles (Values, Character, Mannerism, etc.) than superficial requirements (Beauty, Financial Status, etc). In addition to that, list down the names of friends and family members who can help you out find your match.
• Do Not Reject Someone if They Don’t Completely Match Your Criteria:
Being flexible is the key. Don’t be adamant on finding someone who 100% matches your criteria. At times we think what we want but we actually don’t unless we meet someone who proves us wrong. Remain open to options and don’t reject people straightaway without knowing them.
• Do Opt For ‘Halal’ Dating:
With the advent of social media and modern technology, the idea of Muslim marriage has altered drastically. Similarly, the divorce rate among Muslims is also on an increasing trend. To prevent such problems and ensure smooth after-marriage life, candidates should be allowed to meet each other while remaining within the parameters set my Islam.
• Don’t Hurry:
Do not rush into marriage. Marriage is a life time commitment so the decision should be made after through research, examination and investigation. Spend some time to get to know the candidate, the family and their way of living, take opinion from mutual friends/ relatives then make any decision.
• Do Seek References:
Another important Do of the Muslim Marriage is to look for references. Try to find as many common contacts as possible so that validation of the provided information becomes possible. It is important to confirm all the information before the wedding to eliminate any possibility of fraud.
• Don’t Float The News Before Time:
The whole process of finding the right mate can be very exciting and overwhelming but one should act rationally. One of the chief don’ts of the Muslim marriage is the one should not rush into breaking the news to everyone. This act can backfire. Too many opinions of others might confuse you. The rule should be that you shouldn’t say anything to anyone unless you have had at-least 3 meetings with the candidate’s family. Ensure that you share the news with mature/ sound people whose advice might actually be of some value to you.
• Do Initiate:
If you feel that you have searched enough and have found the right match, don’t hesitate to initiate. Make sure that you interest is communicated to the other party effectively. Don’t fear rejection, it is a part of the game. But, if you won’t take a chance, you might regret it later.
• Do Not Completely Rely On Others’ Opinion:
Do not involve your friends and family members all the time to evaluate the situation and put forward their say. It is important for you to let them meet the candidate once or twice but not more than that. It is important for the ‘guy and girl’ to form their own opinion by meet each other.
• Do Be Humble and Courteous to Everyone:
People are drawn to positive people so be at your best and be as courteous as possible all the time. Who knows, a kind gesture might buy you space in someone’s heart and leads you to an excellent proposal. Kind and gentle people also get recommended to others (looking for appropriate match) by their friends, relatives and family.
